Do you know what is going on under the surface within your own soul? What does it mean for you to be in touch with your own genuine emotions?
And what is the impact of this?
A heavy start this week perhaps.
It seems that on television and in the media at present that are a whole raft of programmes dealing with deeper, sometimes unexplored emotions. Some brave celebrities have chosed to open up about loss, grief, addiction and trauma in their lives and talk about the impact of that, as a way of bringing these conversations into the light.
Will Young, the singer, spoke about his twin brother’s 20 year battle with alcohol and eventual suicide.
Joe Wicks, hero of lockdown workouts for many in this country, talks of his dysfunctional childhood at the hands of parents with addiction and mental health issues, and the huge impact of parental mental health.
This are difficult and important topics that need to be aired without shame or guilt.
Hopefully this helps anyone listening who is in a similar situation to take courage from not being alone, to see that there is a way through, and possibly to access help and support.
Emotions can be tricky things.
At the most inconvenient moment we can find ourselves hijacked by a sudden memory or rush of emotion that completely blindsides us and derails whatever we were doing at the time.
We like to think that we can be in control of our emotions. We work hard to keep things under wraps, hidden away, buried deep in wells within never to be accessed – certainly not in public.
But this comes at a cost.
I am not suggesting that we walk around wearing our hearts on our selves, talking openly and freely about our deepest emotions and how we really feel. This would not necessarily be productive or helpful in the course of a normal day’s work.
But there is something to be said for understanding what we do feel, and taking time to access those emotions so that we understand them.
This is not always easy, and life is full and busy and rushes past at a speed that often simply means we add layer upon layer of emotions into these inner wells, like sediment. These layers get buried deep inside us, each layer representing a different experience. The danger here is that a sudden triggering experience can cause a catastrophic internal shift, and a volcanic eruption of long buried emotion ensues.
Reflection is key here.
This is about giving ourselves time and space to pause. To stop and ask:
What happened? How do I feel?
What do those feelings point to?
How does this tie in with what is most important to me – my values?
And from that place, to be able to be kind to ourselves and ask:
What do I therefore need?
How do I process this and learn from it?
What do I need to take responsibility for here and what do I need to let go of?
How can I deal with this in a healthy way that I learn from for next time?
I talked during lockdown about the importance of taking time to reflect on and process all the complex and exhausting emotions raging around at that time. You can read about that here.
And during our own experience of loss of a family member at the start of the year, I also was reminded of the importance of to walking slowly, pausing often.
When we take time to pay attention to what we are feeling in response to the life we are living, we are able to be in touch with those genuine emotions. We can learn to understand them and what triggers them. We can also then choose to live in integrity – this is the realm of emotional intelligence. We are not only aware of how we feel, we understand what those feelings mean and how to manage them appropriately.
So this week, I encourage you to stop every so often and pay attention to those emotions swirling around under the surface.
What are you learning about yourself? What does it mean to live consistently with how you feel, in a mature way, that allows others to see you as genuine? To not be full of it, or inconsistent in your speech and behaviour, or attention seeking because of unmet and unidentified emotional needs.
But to be your wonderful, emotional self with grace, kindness and consistency.